Engagement Epidemic

If there is one thing every single girl dreads, it is the engagement epidemic. It all starts from the first time a couple gets engaged, and then suddenly they all are. I always assumed this epidemic wouldn’t hit until I was at least in my mid 20s, but apparently girls as young as 18 have gotten to proverbial ball rolling and as of the past month or so getting engaged has been the biggest trend since disco pants. Except unlike the camel toe encouraging disco pants that completely expose the wearer, in this case it is the rest of us that get exposed.

I have a theory about how this epidemic works.

Step 1 – The Religious Ones
These are the couples that have been together for years and years and were always going to get married young. No shockers with that one. You sort of think to yourself “well that is fine and actually quite sweet, and if I was still a virgin at this point I would have eloped to Vegas by now.”

Step 2 – The Peer Pressure Marriage
This is what happens as soon as the first couple of engagements have cropped up on anyone’s news feed. Couples who have been together as long as those getting married suddenly have a massive panic attack. The girls suddenly get all ‘Lord Of The Rings’ after looking at all their friends sparkly new bands, and the guys think “if Moshe is doing it I probably should too…and if I don’t I might not get a kneidle in my chicken soup this week so that would be shit.”

Step 3 – The “Fuck It’s”
These are all the completely random engagements that follow the first two kinds. It’s as if people suddenly realise they are actually legally adults and if they fancy getting married they can. Now these are the kind that freak out single girls everywhere. It’s not like the other types of engagements that are naturally contagious, this is just a complete shock to the system.

At this point all of a sudden, people start to feel bad for you that you’re not engaged. Meanwhile I only just found out about how a washing machine works so clearly I didn’t get the memo that I’m supposed to be a grown up now. I mean, sure, it’s hard to feel like an adult when your overbearing Jewish mother still introduces you to people as her ‘little one’ but even so..

I went to one of my very good friends engagement parties recently which was a gorgeous affair. This is one of those nice couples that were always going to get married so it was really worth celebrating. The only problem was mingling with the party guests I'd never met before. I had all these girls regaling me with their tales of proposals and moving in together and other Tupperware related topics. When they asked me about my life, and my response was, ‘I am dating and I have a career’ I just felt them looking at me like I was some kind of wounded puppy.

At first I figured they just didn’t understand, but then I got a little angry. I started thinking about the fact that I had been so proud of my lifestyle before they tried to make me feel bad about it. In my opinion after all, building a career and dating hot guys seems like the ideal way a 21 year old should live life. It’s the perfect balance of independence and fun. If I genuinely wanted a husband, I’m sure it wouldn’t be that difficult. I would just find some random nebby Jewish guy with some sort of Finding Nemo-esque ailment and just marry them. I could give up on getting a good job, give up on my social life and my financial independence. 

This is why it annoyed me. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be more overjoyed for people who have genuinely found true love and want to get married, but the idea that anyone could be inadequate for not following the same path at such a young age is outrageous.

The other problem for me personally is that I would hate to be a housewife at this age. It’s the idea of going from living under your fathers roof on your fathers money to doing so with a husband that makes me feel nauseated. I just can't help but feel that we finally live in a time in which women are actually able to build a career for themselves that not taking that opportunity would be a hideous waste. It’s also essentially missing out one of the best chunks of life. Your mid 20s after all are the only time in life when you are finally old enough to get your own place, eat at nice restaurants and get a job but young enough that you’re still allowed to make a fuck ton of mistakes. Last night for example, I got drunk off my face and made loads of bad choices. I can almost guarantee you I will do the same next weekend. But it is MY choice to make these bad choices. Not only that, but they are temporary ones. Finding out about ‘black tequila’ for the first time and throwing up in a strangers front garden – temporary, having your first baby at 23 – pretty fucking permanent.

 

The real shame is that very often when girls are ambitious and independent, they get typecast as these women you see in the movies, like Meryl Streep in the 'Devil Wears Prada' and Miranda Hobbs in 'Sex and the City' who are essentially portrayed as workaholic spinsters. After all, it is the common belief that single men are bachelors and single women are sad...regardless of friends, family and success.

All I am saying is for those settling down young, Mazel Tov, enjoy, I’m sure you'll have loads of years of cuddles and kids and building a beautiful life together. But for those of us that are happy to spend this time gaining some independence it doesn’t mean we don’t have plenty of time to meet you at the altar later on, just give us a few more years!