Mr. Wrong

So many girls I know that are troubled in love say that they are always going for 'the wrong guys.'
This is one of those phrases passed on to them from their friends, mothers and probably the woman who waxes their vagina a.k.a. people who listen to their problems on a bi-monthly basis.
It comes alongside reassuring comments such as 'you're just too picky' and 'they're probably all intimidated by how pretty you are.'
First of all, calling someone too picky is a straight up insult. I shouldn't even need to explain why.
Secondly, no one is so intimidated by someone being too pretty that they wouldn't ask them out. If that was the case then Jessica Alba and Megan Fox would be very lonely virgins (as opposed to the main source of Kleenex sales amongst teenage boys).

The thing with the 'wrong guys' excuse is that although not entirely true, it also isn't entirely false. Kind of like B cup boobs in a Wonderbra.
While it is true that many girls go for the same 'type' of guy or seem to be asshole magnets, often it's not so much about the guys themselves but the context in which they meet these guys.

My main example of this is that so many girls go to meet Mr. Right in a nightclub. I'm not sure why no one realises this is the stupidest thing in the world. Girls go clubbing because they like to put pretty heels on, dance around to songs they pretend to know all the words to, take photos, drink tequila shots and in my case fall asleep next to my dog at 4am with a McFlurry in my handbag.
My point is that whether girls are in a relationship or looking to hook up, there are still a million reasons to be in a nightclub that doesn't involve any dick.
This is not remotely the case with guys.
Unless it is someone's birthday or whatever, the only reason a guy goes to a club is to hook up. Because realistically they don't just put on uncomfortable outfits, pay £20 entry, do the awkward man-dance-shuffle and buy girls drinks just for shits and gigs. They are investing in the hook up for that night.

This means that if a girl is looking to find a guy in a nightclub, even if he is the best possible guy to bring home to your mother and buy a cat with, while he is out clubbing he is there to hook up. It's not even his fault, a guy's gotta sow his seed.
If you were to meet any of these guys you see in a club somewhere like Starbucks they are at least 70% less likely to stick their tongue down your throat and never call you again. This is because they are not in hunting mode.

The other thing is that more often than not, girls present themselves entirely wrongly. When meeting a guy, often girls are as loose as possible to show that they are interested. The problem is, if you present yourself like a one night stand, that is all you will ever be. You dress like a slut, act like a slut and meet them in a slutty setting and these guys will fuck you and chuck you sooner than you can say "but you didn't take my number.." Suddenly these guys become the 'wrong guys'.
If you actually let a guy know that you weren't the kind of girl that acts like an alcohol fuelled vending machine (vodka in, sugar out...you get me) then you actually have an opportunity to distinguish the 'wrong' from the 'right'. If you present yourself like a genuine dating opportunity, then they'll take it or leave it rather than take it THEN leave it.

I know it sounds pretty archaic and of course people's attitudes to sex and how they dress is entirely up to them. I personally love getting my boobs out because they make me feel good and I certainly love going out and getting shitfaced. The difference is I am not trying to attract anyone at this point, I'm not getting my boobs out to find a good guy, I already thankfully have a good guy. But if we'd gotten together in an alcohol fuelled, over sexed situation like that then it probably would have gone no further.
My mum has always drilled a lot of traditional ideals into my head about no sex before marriage. While I respect this, there are of course measures to which everyone chooses to live their life. Saying that, one thing I do agree with is that if you put out too soon, you're sending an entirely wrong message to a guy if you actually want a relationship with him.

My most important point in all of this is as follows:
I don't believe there is such a thing as 'right guys' and 'wrong guys'. If we were being honest with ourselves, it would actually read 'guys who want a relationship with me' and 'guys who don't.' I know plenty of guys who are just as capable of sleeping with half of North London as they are committing wholeheartedly to a relationship. It's all about the right time, place and girl.

So instead of putting so much effort into finding the 'right' guys, maybe girls need to focus on making sure they are being the right versions of themselves when looking. Every girl has potential to come across in any which way that a guy can, so pointing fingers scarcely helps the situation. If we were all to stop thinking about each other for a second and just try to work on ourselves, we'd be able to find the kind of people that we want - and actually understand what kind of person that is. Even better, sometimes it can help you realise that being single actually works best.
After all, it's not about finding Mr. Right it's about finding Mr. Right for me. Even if you are your own Mr. Right.


Olivia Jane