Interview Special - Home Wreckers Anonymous

Today I've decided to talk about home wrecking. This trend that seemed to only truly be prominent amongst the married and settled seems to be sweeping our generation of young relationships, and it's not just strangers involved in it, it's also our friends. Not only that but there are always two sides to the story. I'm sat with two girls from Bristol University who have both been involved in home wrecking. Gisele* and Naomi*.

Gisele, what are your thoughts?

G  It's okay to home wreck if the other girl is ugly and a bitch and their relationship is failing.
You're helping him out and making him happier.
If they're on you and you're bored, why not?

So, what would you define as home wrecking Naomi?

N  Fucking a boy who has a girlfriend or breaking up a happy home.

Would you consider it home wrecking if the guy never gets caught?

G  Emotionally they get unattached to their girlfriend, it rests upon whether they were happy in the first place. If not, it's already wrecked.

N  So many guys who cheat say "Oh I haven't slept with my girlfriend in ages, we're having problems." It's bullshit.
Whenever I do it, I don't know the girlfriend. If I knew her I wouldn't do it but this way it means I can pretend in my head that she doesn't exist.

So how would it affect you differently if you knew the girlfriend? On top of that, if you knew her would there be an impact based on whether you're friends with her or she's a girl you don't like or what have you?

G It makes you feel bad.

N  If she was a fucking bitch, maybe I'd want to do it more.

Have either of you ever unleashed a revenge home wreck on a girl you don't like?

G  I'm trying to plan one but it's not working because he runs away from me. I want to get with this girl's ex in front of her because I know she still likes him, and she ruined one of my relationships. I hate her, and he's fit so it makes it easier but he thinks I'm a psycho.

If you were in a situation where your boyfriend cheated on you, would you be angry at him or at the other girl?

N  If it was my friend I'd be angry at her, but I'd be more inclined to take my anger out on him. So often I've gotten with a guy and then his girlfriend sends me an abusive message, but stays with him. I'd never lash out back at her, but I think it's embarrassing and they're making a mug out of themselves.

So would you say that if the girl knows it's happening and is still with the guy, they deserve what comes to them?

N  Yes, because they're stupid.

G  Often the girl knows but is too blinded by being in love to break up with him.

What would you say the difference is between knowingly home wrecking and doing it without realising they have a girlfriend?

N  On holiday there was this boy that I saw every night, we'd dance and chat but didnt kiss. Once it happened, then I found out he had a long term girlfriend back home. He came up to me and tried to dance with me again and I was put off a bit...but I still did dance with him. I felt bad though.

So it sounds like you feel worse when you find out afterwards than when you knowingly do it, surely it should be the other way around?

G  If they don't tell you they have a girlfriend, you feel like a bit of a mug. However if it's a random guy they don't need to tell you because they owe you nothing.

Where do you draw the line with home wrecking?

G  If at any point they tell you that they feel bad for their girlfriend, or are feeling regrets and strong feelings for her then you have to cut it off. If you carry on at that point and start ruining their life and threatening to tell their girlfriend...

N ...then you're a psycho.

G  I believe that at our age, it's not so serious. We're 20 years old and although it's homewrecking we're never actually breaking up a real home. There's no marriage or kids involved.

N  We forget that our interviewer has a boyfriend and if that was happening to her she would hate us.

Yes, I probably would. 

N  So maybe we are wrong in this, because it reminds you that some relationships at our age are serious.

When would you say that either of you have been guilty of home wrecking?

G  I am a home wrecker. I have been sleeping with a man that has a girlfriend.

So tell me about this relationship?

G  It's purely physical. He's a nice guy, I feel bad about the girlfriend but I am not the first girl he's cheated with. She's asking for it because she knows he cheats. She's found hotel room keys, dodgy bills and all sorts but has never left him. She's done fuck all and is really bringing it on herself.

We're now being briefly joined by Sally, who is a serial relationship girl. Sally, what's your opinion on home wrecking?

S  I don't fully agree with it. It depends on the situation. With Gisele, she isn't friendly with this persons girlfriend and so it seems to me that it could be worse.

As a girl who has been in several serious relationships, how would you feel if this happened to you?

S  I'd probably hate the boy more than the girl. If I don't know her she isn't the one who is hurting me, it's my boyfriend.

Would you not feel compelled to contact the girl in the way that girls have contacted Naomi?

S  I'd probably punch her in the face.

If you were out with Gisele and her man's cheatee punched her in the face, would you think it was unjust?

S  It's different of course because this has happened to her over and over again, Gisele is just the most recent girl. It's not as if he has randomly cheated.

G  At the end of the day, the real mug in all of this is actually me. He's still with her. He said he'd break up with her but he wont.

I honestly think that any guy who cheats is not prepared to leave his girlfriend, otherwise he would have already. Right now he can have his cake and eat it too, why tamper with that? What do you think will happen?

G  Our relationship will fizzle out and they will be fine.

What final message would you like to give?

G  If your boyfriend cheats on you, dump him. If he's a serial cheater, don't be a mug.

N  I think home wrecking is fine unless you get attached to the guy. It's fine, you won't get hurt.

Even if someone else gets hurt?

N  If they're a stupid girl who is letting it happen to themselves, then they deserve it.

G You get what you give.

Thank you Gisele and Naomi. If anyone has any thoughts or comments, please share below. 
I hope you enjoyed the read.

Olivia Jane