Fake It 'Til You Make It

If there is one thing the women of our generation is good at, it is faking it.
Whether it is fake tan, fake hair, fake eyelashes or even the extremes of fake breasts and buttocks, we all fake it at one point or another. Although this may seem to be a criticism, I am not about to go off on a feminist preach about how modern women need to put down the St Tropez, grow out their pubic hair and sit around in a circle swaying and singing kumbaya.
Instead I am actually going to come out and say that every now and then you have to admire a girl for faking something, as long as it's done right. As long as you can find a balance and achieve 'sun-kissed' instead of 'umpa lumpa shtupped' then there's nothing wrong with a little over the counter self-esteem. 

Even if you're not a culprit of fake tan, or not the type to go out clubbing with an Indonesian woman's hair clipped into your locks, there is one area where I can guarantee all women have faked it at one point or another...

You guessed it, the crazy little Jewish girl is actually going to blog about faking orgasms. Bare with me while I cringe my way through this, after all this is coming from the girl who couldn't read Fifty Shades of Grey without turning fifty shades of red. 

The last person I had the O chat with was regrettably my mother. I know. She decided to ask me in the car the other day if I have ever had an orgasm, if I enjoy sex and if my ex was ever able to pleasure me. Before I was done choking on my frappucino and weighing out the consequences of jumping out the car on the M25 to save myself from the conversation, she thankfully changed the subject.

Nonetheless her questions were fair, for the average girl it is just plain not as easy to have an orgasm as it is for boys. It seems like while the girls are spending their time trying to reach the finish line, their male counterparts are slowing down to a screeching halt, trying to think about all the old people and sports they possibly can. With this in mind, it's hardly surprising that some girls are left with no choice but to resort to digging out their inner Streisand and belting out some faux-O's.

Most of the boys reading this are probably thinking 'well no girl has ever faked it with me', but the reality of the situation is that it is more than likely they have. Some 70% of women fake orgasms. Clearly when the people at Cheerio's said "there's a whole lot of good in those little O's", they were not in fact referring to the lying and faking girlfriends nationwide. Although it may seem that it's easy to distinguish the difference between a climax and a...well anti-climax, it's actually quite difficult for a man to know. After all, you'd be surprised the amount of facial expressions and muscle contractions that a girl is capable of when missing an episode of Pretty Little Liars is on the line. 

So we've established that women do fake it. Almost all of us at one point or another. But the real question is, why? 

Of all the girls I've spoken to that have admitted to faking orgasms, the main reason that they have given is self esteem. Not their own self-esteem however, but that of the boys. It seems the general consensus is that if you're going to RSVP to a party, it's only polite to come. When a guy is in the vulnerable position of being naked and trying to please you, often girls just feel that it's easier to fake it than to let them suffer the ego crash of not being able to finish the job. After all, male pride is something that is already susceptible to easy tarnishing. It's almost like hearing a bad joke, if you don't pretend to find it funny and laugh then you have to bare the alternative of a painfully awkward silence.  

Another reason that I've heard girls use, is that they want the man to remember the copulation positively, and so are more likely to do so if they found the experience successful and ego boosting. After all, when you associate a girl that you've met with a hit-and-miss tryst in the bedroom, you're not quite as likely to reach for the phone in a hurry. 

Aside from these two reasons, another thing to consider is that women and men are just not hard-wired in the same way. For men, sex is essentially a means to an end but for many women it's not quite the same. I have spoken to girls who just plain haven't had an orgasm before, and their partners just wouldn't know it. With this in mind, the expectation that sex should always have the same 'finish line' mentality to it for girls as it does for boys creates inevitable complications. This is why so many girls have said that they fake it because it signifies an end to the process, without which there would be no more subtle way to simply stop. 

The real problem with these girls giving out fake orgasms like they're rehearsing for a Herbal Essences advert is that they are giving the men in their lives absolutely no way of learning how to please them, or any other girls for that matter. It's like training a puppy, if you give him treats no matter whether he does something good or bad then he will never be able to know when he's doing something right. Not that I'm insinuating your boyfriends will start chewing your Louboutins every time you fake it, but you get the gist.
Not only are we preventing the men we're seeing from knowing what to do, we are also in turn screwing over each other. Every time a girl gives her guy false hope, he is imprinting skills that he will pass on to every other girl he sleeps with, until someone opens (or rather shuts) their mouth and breaks the chain. 

I think what all women need to ask themselves is whether they would rather fake it to avoid an awkward situation, or take some initiative and simply show their guys what to do. After all, you wouldn't order the same meal over and over if it didn't satisfy you, why treat the rest of your body any differently?
I believe the women of this generation need to be a bit bolder and have a little more faith in the men in their lives instead of doing what is essentially insulting their intelligence, trust and skills. 

Otherwise the only ones getting screwed will be ourselves...and apparently not very well. 

I hope you enjoyed this read and look forward to your opinions!

Olivia Jane

xx