Playing With Yourself

If there is one thing I have always enjoyed observing, it is the differences between the sexes. One thing that always gets my attention is that the truly significant contrasts between men and women are in no way bound by age, culture or time. So what is it that I've been observing this week? Boys touching themselves, of course. 

Now this is not to say that I have been sitting outside peoples bedroom windows with binoculars like some sort of voyeuristic Dora the Explorer, but it is simply something I have picked up on. It seems that we don't need our spy kits at all, because if you open your eyes you will see that boys are touching themselves all the time. Living in a Halls of Residence at University, I am surrounded by boys more often than I have been in my entire female centric upbringing; and so am blindingly aware of just hows much time these boys spend with their hands down their pants. Somehow the sex that is infamously stereotyped as clumsy and rough handed seem to put the attention and care into protecting their special areas of a mother bird protecting her eggs. So the question here is, what is this fixation all about?

Boys and Their Toys

One possible explanation for this obsession is that boys have always been protective over their toys. As children it seems that boys divide their tactile attention evenly between their phalluses and their toys. The desire to reach out and grab personal belongings creates an empowering sense of possession for any boy. While they grow up, it appears that boys are just as attached to their toys than ever. They trade in their train sets for cars and their walkie talkies for iPhones, but seem to never find a replacement for their favourite toy of all. 

The obvious answer seems to be that they hit puberty and the interest in girls genitalia is a pursuit far more desirable, but the loyalty seems to never pass and their hands remain firmly in their pants as if super-glued (yes I did see that scene of American Pie 2, yes it was brilliant). From what I have seen, it appears that boys spend more time rearranging their meat than a kosher butcher. 

Any sensible boy that has seen Toy Story enough times will know from Andy that some toys are better left behind, but apparently they insist on the necessity to 'keep hands warm' and so keep a firm grasp on their Woody's, no matter what the situation. 

Girls and Boys

While sitting outside on a cold January night with my favourite guy friends from Manchester, I asked them why they thought it was socially acceptable to sit around with their hands buried in their tracksuit bottoms. To which they replied "it's warm, we wouldn't mind if you put your hands down your bra" while I appreciated their advice, questionably innocent as it was, it occurred to me that it was not something I or any other girl I knew would do. This made me wonder why it is that boys are so innately comfortable with their bodies in public compared to girls. 

One thought is that boys operate differently to girls in their social groups. To a large extent, their friendships are based on comradery while girl's friendships are based on competition. While being raised in frequent sport based environments to socialise, such as the football pitch and subsequently the locker room; boys have a certain understanding of accepting and ignoring each other's bodies. They are so comfortable with taking off their tops on the football pitch and standing by each other at the urinal, that the boundary on privacy seems loosened almost permanently.

Today was a perfect example of this, as it was a sunny day at Ancaster Hall. While the boys were flagrantly parading around in the sun shirtlessly, regardless of their body types the girls sat around in their separate groups, debating wearing smaller shorts for fear of giving off the wrong impression. It could be a matter of competition and judgement, or simply a reflection on the perception of girls and boys bodies. While a female form is expected to be treasured and hidden, boys bodies are often seen as comical. Apparently when your phallus is a form of entertainment and comedy, there is no reason not to make your relationship status with it public.

Masturbation Desperation

Of course I could tip toe around this one for pages and pages, but the reality is that all this really comes down to is masturbation. There is no chance boys would spend so much time with their Woody's if they didn't have the extra features of Buzz Lightyear (although hopefully excluding Buzz' inability to 'get off the ground'). 

What baffles me more than their reasoning with masturbation is their openness. Not only do most girls not engage in said activity, but if they did they wouldn't consider talking about it in public. For boys however, it is an entirely different ball game (excuse the pun). There have been countless occasions in Ancaster where I will be sitting in the common room with a group of boys, and one will stand up and say 'I'm bored, I'm going to go for a wank.' For a sex that seems to be most held back by their self proclaimed communication issues, they are perfectly capable of being open when it comes to their sex lives...with themselves. 

With this total unbridled openness seems to come a great deal of acceptance for male masturbation, and with that comes an obsession. It seems that some guys will do it anywhere and in any circumstance, regardless of the consequences. I have heard stories of boys masturbating at their girlfriends houses, at school and even in public places; not to mention I've had to hear my neighbour 'practising his violin solo' all year. It is as if they are afraid something bad will happen to them if they go too long without ejaculating, like cows that need milking. 

Apparently this obsession has even taken form in group competitions and bets. The popularity of self satisfaction has grown to the point that games such as the 'tour challenge' evolved. For anyone that doesn't know about this, it is a game played by small Jewish teens in which they see how long they can last on a month long trip around Israel without...er...spinning their dreidels. It seems that while we were setting up camp in the desert, the girls were trying to put up our tents while the boys were trying to keep theirs down. 

When There Are Better Things To Play With

It is fair to say that boys can do what they want with their bodies, after all it is a healthy part of growing up and a mildly good enough substitute for sex. Problems arise however, when said boys choose masturbation over sex. A friend of mine was texted in the middle of the night by a girl that wanted to sleep with him. He decided however that he was too tired, and would rather "have a wank and go to sleep than treck to her halls." It seems that for some boys, it can be an easier option some nights to sit at home and masturbate than go out and face the complications that come with releasing their sexual tension in the form of casual sex. 

I believe at the end of the day that whether we want to see it or hear it, boys will always be comfortable playing with their toys. We can just hope that when the time and place is right, they will be able to weigh out their priorities, for the sake of reproduction at the very least. If all else fails, they can take a leaf out of Andy's book and simply write their names on their toys, in case anyone ever forgets who they belong to...just as long as they watch out for sharp pens.

I hope you enjoyed the read, and look forward to your suggestions as always

Olivia Jane

xx