Interview Special: Gay in LA (pt.1)

When I was fifteen years old, I had a lot to learn. There are lots of things that can take up a fifteen year old girls mind, from tampons to padded bras to choosing between Team Edward and Team Jacob (needless to say, there is nothing worse than a fifteen year old girl). While I spent all this time with my nose in trashy novels and my microscopic breasts in contraption devices only understandable by architectural geniuses, I neglected to learn one very important thing - how to pick a straight boyfriend.

Unfortunately, this is a flaw that has affected every female member of my family. My sister has had two gay boyfriends, almost all my mothers permed flings from the 80s seem questionable and I'm even questioning some of the men I date to this day. 

So here's the story of me and my first gay boyfriend, a classic tale really. We met on summer camp in Israel, shared a love of criticising what people were wearing and became instantly inseparable. We were actually quite the adorable couple, after all we had a lot in common...namely an interest in penis. 

My instincts eventually kicked in after one too many occasions of him dancing around his room in hot pants and I asked him about his sexuality. He was in no way prepared to deal with such a confrontation, and would get totally enraged. A few years down the line, and he finally found a way of being honest with himself and coming out the closet. 

Now he is happier with his life and with himself than ever before, so I decided to interview him and find out why:

Hi there, why don't you start by telling us a little about yourself.

 Hey! Well I am 19, a college student , I live in California and I'm gay.

Now when I first met you, you were a 15 year old high school student, and if anyone was to ask you were straight. I should knows I went out with you. How do you think your life has changed so much since then?

Oh God. You would bring this up. Okay well I'd like to put it out there, for me understanding that i was gay was a process. Once i accepted the fact my life has gotten progressively gayer and less girls have fallen victim to a confused homosexual.

I couldn't possibly leave it out. Explain this process to me?

Well its different for everyone. I always knew there was something different about me. I always had a confusing urge towards guys. I remember my friends and I used to wrestle when we were little, I think I liked it more than they did. 

It was the first time I think my radar caught a gay sensation, yet I never really thought about it too much until I got to middle school. It was really tough figuring everything out on my own, oh and I hated gay people.

 I hated them because I was trying to reject the unwanted truth of being one. 

I would do anything to try to not accept it. Make fun of gays, go after girls, convince myself that i can live the life of a straight guy, and thats the only way I want to live. 

The more people would ask me if i was gay the more i needed to prove to them and myself that i was not. 

It was a really rough period for me, but once I accepted the fact that i was gay and I will be fine, everything fell into place.

Yes I remember. When we used to speak and I even mentioned the idea of homosexuality you would get aggressive about it.

At this time there was lots of talk about you being gay, did the rumours make it feel easier to come out the closet, or just make you feel more put on the spot?

The rumours certainly put me on the spot. They made me feel bad. I hadn't yet accepted the fact that I was gay, and I wasn't ready for people to know. The more people asked me the worse I felt about myself.

So during this period of knowing you were gay but denying it, you were with lots of girls and doing lots of things. How do you think these sexual experiences affected you?

They confirmed that vaginas should be left for lesbians and straight guys.

So how exactly did you know, through all these many encounters with girls bodies that it wasn't right for you?

I remember going down on this girl and while down their I asked myself "what the fuck am I doing? These are actually kinda gross." I like to think that's the moment I gave up on sexual encounters with women.

The sounds, textures, and humidity of the pussy was just nasty. Not for me. 

You say this, but often in the world of sex it isn't always picture perfect. After all I know lots of straight men and women alike who are averse to oral sex as they find it contact with genitalia off-putting. Would you say that it was something beyond this?

It was way beyond that. I feel kinda bad for the last girl I was with, because in a way, her vagina grossed me out enough to realize it wasnt my thing. I no longer find them sexually appealing at all.

Did you find that before you assumed what you felt was natural, and then it suddenly clicked?

Well It was natural, just not "natural" for society at that time. I just assumed I was bisexual.

So you think that society has changed in these past couple of years, how so?

Well I am lucky to live in a liberal state. Although I live in a mostly republican upper class area, I find that acceptance has grown in schools, media, and politics. I mean the president has announced his support of gay marriage.

DADT was demolished and polls show that american's acceptance of gays have increased.

So you believe that society is making it easier to be gay now than ever before. What changes do you think still need to be made?

Ignorance needs to die off. I find that this is a civil rights issue. Society is denying rights for people based on their sexual orientation - thats the problem now. 

40 years ago it was race, now its sexual orientation. People need to understand that just because they believe a certain thing does not mean that it is the best for society. We need to progress as a society.

I couldn't agree with you more. One view that I've seen a lot of is that being gay is more acceptable because it has become fashionable. The stereotype of the gay best friend has evolved through the media making gay men seem like shopping partners and a source of comedy. How do you feel about this?

I think that it's great. I don't think fashionable is the right word, yet in a way the media has created the trend of accepting and exposing gays to society. People don't decide to be gay because they see it on TV, however if it was like this when i was going through my rough time I think I might have been more comfortable with the idea of being gay and accepting myself. As for the gay best friend and shopping thing, I cant deny that.

So you have no problem with the stereotype, because it is a positive one. I have heard cases of gay men being accused of 'milking' the stereotype. Did you find that on coming out the closet you gained these 'shopping partner' traits, or simply accepted them?

Well that;s all it is: a stereo type, but like with every stereo type it is developed because a part of it is true. Some gays carry themselves like divas. I like going shopping, do I like shopping with girls, not so much. I mean once in a while is fine, but I'm not going to hold your purse and chase you with dresses that I want you to put on.

I like your approach. So society is progressing to appreciate the traits of the gay community, do you think that it is harder for lesbians?

I just thought about this the other day, actually. Well here is the thing: lesbians I think just dont get attention because people don't usually mind if a girl goes for another girl. That's "fun". When a girl tells people she is a lesbian or bi, no one cares. It's the norm. I think most girls will raise their hand if asked if they have ever engaged in homosexual behaviours.

I see your point, but I think there is a big difference between girls that experiment at parties and girls that are actually homosexual as a life choice. Why do you think it is that girls might have a harder time coming out the closet than boys?

Well I dont think they have a harder time coming out of the closet. I mean I have only heard of gay guys committing suicide. I can imagine they might have a heard time with being taken seriously however.

Society is aware and accepts sexual experimentation between two girls, and they see it as a phase. However society is very hush hush about guys trying things together, so it's not seen as such a phase when two guys do something together, as opposed to two girls.

One question that's been cropping up about homosexuality recently is the nature vs nurture idea. There have been patterns in society of people fearing that things can make a person gay. Do you agree with this, or believe that you have always been gay in spite of the influences in your upbringing?

If having caring parents who want their kid to be happy in life made me gay, then I wouldn't want to be brought up in a "straight" environment. I have friends that are twins, one is gay and the other is straight. There are countless of examples of families with multiple children where one turned out to be gay. There are gay kids in the most conservative of towns. There are gays in Iran who are bring murdered.

What I am trying to say, in these examples the way the people are raised is at a constant level. Siblings are raised the same way, in the same family and life structure, so if nurture makes a person gay, than they should all be gay or all be straight. 

There are studies to show that a gay man's brain is structured like a straight woman, and a lesbians brain is structured more like a straight man. This doesn't happen because you watched Disney movies growing up. 

Interesting ideas. Do you believe that homosexuality operates on a spectrum or is totally black and white? Do you see bisexuality as a phase or a genuine form of sexuality?

And do you believe your sexual preferences could ever bend back the other way?

Oh sexuality expands over a huge span. I'd say out of 10 I am at a 9.5 gay. There is still a part of me that think that girls are hot. Watching a Victoria's Secret fashion show, I definitely feel attraction, yet its not enough for me to actually act on.

As a person who has experienced at length sexual relationships with both men and women, what would you say the differences are? 

I don't really consider my relationships with girls real relationships. It was more like I'm going to do things so I can say I did them. It kind of feels gray when I think about sexual experiences with girls. There is really no comparing the two, they are too different. Girls didn't really turn me on 100% and guys do.

What is different about sex between two men. Was it as you expected it would be, or were there surprises?

Sex between two men is intense. You have two sexually driven individuals going at it. There is no bitching about giving head, or doing things, because both people know what feels good and they both want to preform their best. For any straight guy out there, If your girl doesn't give you head, find a gay friend.

Tell me about your first experience with a man, did it feel natural or was it nerve wracking and hard to adjust to?

The fist time was with a guy I did not have sex, I just gave him head. I was in high school my senior year and this guy who i have known for a while, a friend of the girl I was dating invited me to lunch at his house. We were on the couch watching TV and he made his move on me. I was really excited to finally do something with a guy, and so naturally I put his dick in my mouth. It felt right.

Naturally. So from that point on, like a duck to gay water?

  

Yes. I finally realized that I am just gay. I had to put up with vaginas all this time, and it was not so fun, but penises are 100% my thing. It was just right. 

So tell us, what's the wildest sexual experience you've had so far?

On my last night in New York some friends and I went to this straight club, we got bottle service and as the night went on, I got a bit tipsey and bored, what is a gay guy suppose to do at a straight club? I had enough of dancing with the ladies. I pulled out my iphone and checked my grindr. I have never done anything like this. I am a guy who prides myself on having sex with only a few guys, and keeping sex for just boyfriends. I sent one guy my location and told him to come dance. Waiting for him I drank a couple more drinks. When he finally got there we started to dance...he got hard, and in my drunken couldn't resist a touch of his hard cock when its pressed against me while I'm dancing. We decided to go out of the club and find a place to get off. We walked through the streets of NY and found a construction site on the side of the road. The rest you can leave up to your imagination (nothing was put in anything) but it was one of the most crazy things i have done, getting off in a busy NY street in a construction site at night with a complete stranger. Thanks tequila.

Oh wow. Well I'll finish up with one last question. Consider the time you spent in the closet, and what you wish you could've told yourself. With this in mind, what message do you have to all those struggling with their sexuality?

There is one thing I learned to live by. "Love yourself and be Fearless." 

It is all about accepting who you are and loving who you are. Don't be scared of anything, and dont let your fear hold you back.

This isn't true for just gay people. This is something everyone should follow. When you love yourself and you learn to not be afraid of things, your life will be at a place of happiness. Don't hold back. Every moment you hold back you lie to yourself and you are not spending your time living the best life you can live. 

Thank you for your openness and honesty today. Next time we talk I'll be asking you all about relationships, family adjustments and the gay clubbing scene...not to mention the ins and outs of it all...so to speak. 

I hope you enjoyed the read this week, and as always look forward to your comments and suggestions

Olivia Jane 

xx