This week has shown a shift in the weather, and as a result
a shift in absolutely all else. All over campus students have been frolicking
in the sun in their hot pants and sunglasses…that is during the intervals
between slaving at the library in pools of sweat and sitting exams in even
bigger ones. As a girl somewhat averse to the library and all it entails (pasty
people, books, my sister and friends being pasty and reading books) I have
spent the majority of my time outside.
It is during this time in the sun that I have been able to
see what the change in weather has really had an effect on – couples. Walking
to lunch I noticed that almost everyone was coupled up, as if someone told them
that Portland is the new Noah’s Ark. I was watching one of these summertime
couples picking out sandwiches in Portland Boots yesterday, and actually found myself
smiling at how sweet they were together…this was until the boyfriend
misconstrued my smiling as flirting and proceeded to look me up and down and wink.
As I said, sweet.
Once I was done being a little offended and a little
interested in Pervy from Portland, I considered that this sickly sweet romantic
mood in the air was not exclusive to this year or this University, but seems to
spread like swine flu every Summer and Winter. It seems that in the Winter we
get cold and snuggle up like penguins, while in the Summer everything heats up
in its own way. Not only this, but every year the transitional months seem to
bring break ups like wildfire. Spring saw me and most of my best friends ending
our respective relationships, and brought back memories of comforting friends
with Ben & Jerry’s and red wine during the Autumnal months (although
realistically the wine was for me, because listening to any girl cry for 3
hours requires a bit of personal sedation).
It was during this revelation that I thought, in this Summer
fever of romance, happiness and above all daytime alcoholism; how is everyone
treating the relationships they shed in the Spring?
Fortunately for me, I have my best friend’s experiences as well as my own to
help me reflect on this idea. It seems that everyone deals with a break up in a
different way and in different stages, but who is to say what the right way is?
If I can’t show you the right method, I can certainly show you 3 wrong ones.
Method A – Replacement
There is an age old saying “don’t fix it if it aint broke.”
Well for some of my friends, it is a little more like “if it is broke, throw it
out and get a new one.” Whether we’re talking about mascara or boyfriends, I
see this one a lot. This ‘replacement’ strategy comes in two different forms:
casual and committed.
The first type is more often than not involving alcohol. This is for the girls
that are on a revenge rampage, the ‘fuck it, I’m single’ girls. One of my best
friends broke up with her boyfriend a month ago, at which point she proceeded
to put on her heels and let me wingman her towards any and all available men,
like some sort of whore shepherd…or pimp for that matter. For girls like her,
it was all about filling the empty void with instant gratification and
impulsive actions. Taking charge of her love life one hapless unsuspecting boy
at a time, as it were.
this is the only picture I could get of a wingman...
The second type of replacement strategy is the boyfriending strategy. This is
for the girls that are looking for an arm round their shoulder, instead of a
vodka soaked tongue down their throat. Now this does not apply to the
exceptions of girls whose break ups involve a realisation that they should be
with the person they’ve loved all along, but rather the girls that go out
looking for their next love before the paint has even dried on their break up. These
girls are essentially a danger to themselves, as they blindly form romantic
attachments to their male friends, strangers and quite possibly cats. As a girl
who has never followed this particular strategy, I can’t provide much insight
except for that this is undoubtedly a bad way to deal with a break up.
Method B – Fake Break
The only thing I believe to be more unhealthy than replacing a relationship is
never really ending it. It seems that while most girls are accused of faking
tans and orgasms, what goes unnoticed is that they are faking break ups too.
Countless numbers of my friends have fallen victim to this, and surprisingly
enough it is more often down to the boy. One of my best friends has been in an ‘on
again, off again’ relationship for the better part of my knowing her, and so
when she broke up with the guy most recently neither of them actually treated
it as a break up. He was still calling her and texting her and they were still
arguing about things that shouldn’t concern each other. Not only this, but
another of my friends ex’s took advantage of her empathy and essentially
guilted her into a few extra weeks of relationship.
This ‘fake break’ method ensures neither party is ever able to get over the
relationship, because it is never truly over. These girls are like relationship
hoarders, and essentially put their exs in storage instead of throwing them
out.
Queen of not getting the fuck over it ^
Method C – Denial
If denying that a relationship is over seems bad, you can
only imagine the damage done by girls that deny it ever really happened. This
is the method of ‘we broke up, you need to not exist.’ Unfortunately for
University students, this isn’t the easiest method to pursue while we are all
cooped up in the same little microcosm like sexually awkward chickens.
For
Jewish University students, you have as much luck getting away with not seeing
your ex as you do getting away with bringing a convict to Friday night dinner.
In spite of the odds, I’ve seen girls try this method over and over. It goes a
little something like “I have deleted his number, his bbm, his facebook,
unfollowed him on twitter and hid behind a falafel shop today in Golders Green
to avoid eye contact with his mum.” It seems that if we’re going to avoid an
ex, we need to do so physically and virtually in order to be successful. At the
end of the day though, this will never be successful because no matter how much
of a scene is made at the time, the awkward run in will always happen.
I believe that in the world of break ups, it actually doesn’t
matter how or when you see your ex because the only thing that will make it ok
is the peace that comes from time and acceptance. For me, I never felt the need
to tamper with the fate of my most recent break up. I may have reacted a little
at first, but then who is to say that throwing out his clothes along with getting
with half of Cocotang and a gay guy is that unhealthy for the first week..
Jokes aside, I think once you are happy in being single and at peace with your
ex there is actually nothing that needs dealing with. I see all my ex’s as
friends, and more importantly confidants. It may be a case of my own personal
luck, but I am in a sunny place with myself and my life no matter what the
weather and would wish the same on anyone that I care about, past or present in
my life. For the meantime, I’d advise all girls to be happy with their
decisions, whether single, in a relationship or just plain going with the flow like me. Unless of course you’re that
girl from Boots in Portland, because your boyfriend is a prick. A hot prick..
I hope you enjoyed the read, and look forward to your suggestion
as always!
Olivia Jane
xx
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