I have been raised by two strong parents who always encouraged me to be whatever I wanted, so the deeper I got into our world of gender separations, pay gaps and female victim blaming the more compelled I felt to take a stance.
Sometimes I have been accused of being a knee-jerk feminist. This is the kind of person that waits around for someone to do or say something offensive so that I have an opportunity to get angry.
Imagine like one of those angry little chihauhaus at the park who barks at the Dobermans for mansplaining how to chase a pigeon.
My sister is equally guilty of this, if not more so. After a dignified Shabbat dinner last night, the Geisler family sat down to watch a hard-hitting series called 'Ex On The Beach'. You may not have heard of it, it's very serious.
During this fine production, one of the leading characters discovered that his previous lover had visited the infamous 'penthouse' on the first day of their trip with another man to copulate. It was at this point that he exlaimed "Fuck you, ya fucking slag. I'm gonna fist Maisie over there up to me elbow see how ya like it,"
Aside from my mothers face turning whiter than the pavlova she had just served, there was the background running commentary of my staunch feminist sister "that's an abusive partner, you can tell that he needs deep psychological help, do you see how he's slut shaming her? This would never happen the other way round."
While she was right, I did have to point out to her that this may not be quite the right show to be accompanied by a feminist dialouge, especially as by this point the characters were throwing drinks which if anything is just wasteful and therefore offensive to my people of the tequila persuasion.
It did make me think, however, when is the wrong and right time to draw the line on being a constantly offended feminist. After all, it causes me more suffering than anyone. Don't get me wrong, we have a LOT to be offended about as women. I have tried to explain to men before how much easier they have it, to which one said "but have you ever gotten a boner in Synagogue though?"
The time when it is tricky to decipher what stance to take on this dilemma is in the dating world. As I have always prided myself on my independance, I have always sought out a partner who makes me feel like an equal. The trouble is, however, that sometimes my search for equality has made me compromise on what I want and actually struck an inbalance.
I have insisted on taking the lead so as not to be made to feel small, however have found myself taken for granted as a result. It does sometimes feel that if you start the fire for the caveman, he will sit back and slide into other cavewomen's DMs, with a warm tuchus of course.
A great deal of the time women feel conflicted when a man offers to pay the bill, pick them up and open doors for them.
The feminist in your head may say "don't let this man treat you like a weak woman incapable of opening a door for herself!"
but then the other side could be "wow...this tiny gesture makes me feel special."
It's very hard to know what the rules of dating really are. Is a guy a jerk if he does offer to pay, and are you comprisiming your values if you let him? It is worth understanding as well that men too feel under pressure to behave in a certain way. A boy may have been raised by his parents to pull back a girls chair for her, only to get an earful for trying to be nice.
It's a tricky battle, but I've come to realise that perhaps tradition and equality can coexist. It's all about what feels right for you. There's no need to feel guilty for being treated like a princess, after all feminism is all about choice. Chivalry on the other hand, when handled well is just politeness in a bow-tie.
I've come to realise that perhaps in our (slowly) progressing world where Disney is finally making princesses who take action and fight their own battles; rather than having a shluff and waiting for Prince Charming to rescue them, then maybe we can find balance in our own lives...
Otherwise, you can find the Geisler sisters sitting in the back row of the cinema throwing popcorn at Jamie Dornan's bullshit in the new Fifty Shades movie. "Mr Grey will make you feel insignificant and abused now" etc.
On that note,
Best wishes, kind regards and all that crap
The Geisler
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