There are only a couple of things that can make my Jewish Grandma seriously pissed off.
The first is not eating enough at Shabbas tea, "Is there something wrong with my strudel? Is it because you hate me? I'm not going to be around forever you know.." There isn't a tactful way to say "Actually I'm just really full from the bacon sandwich I had for lunch," without her bursting into tears/slapping my Dad.
Other than not eating enough, which as all Jewish girls know comes hand in hand "you're putting on a bit of weight bubbula", there is the invetiable dating interrogation.
"Are you seeing anyone? What's the family name? Is he Jewish?"
I can promise you wholeheartedly that my Grandma would rather I marry my dog than a non-Jewish boy. I won't lie to you, i wouldn't exactly be unhappy spending eterntiy with my dog Senor Mu, but I digress.
There is a simply way to look at it, in that old people generally have that killer combination of racism and not giving a fuck, but they look so cute and small no one cares. The truth is that this is an issue than spans far deeper than just the older generation. It's such a common thing that I honestly thing I've probably written a blog on exactly this before.
Now any relative or family friend will give you a whole long list of reasons why you HAVE to marry a Jewish boy. I don't know if you've ever heard of Jewish guilt, but I'm pretty sure the 'marrying out talk' is it's birth place. If they aren't saying that your grandparents will turn in their graves, then they'll threaten that the news of you marrying a non-Jewish boy will kill off any existing relatives from heartbreak. No, really.
As a person who grew up going to Jewish schools and absolutely loving being part of all the organisations and camps, I understand why it can be nice. I love the idea of a boy knowing how to bless my children on a Friday night the way my Dad has always blessed me, and I'd like the opportunity to swear in Yiddish when I'm angry without them getting scared and confused.
At the same time however - the pressure is just a teeeeeny bit too much.
One of my sister's friends actually dated a Christian boy for a good couple of years. Now that they are broken up, her mother has genuinely printed off a photo of a Nice Jewish Boy from (in her words) 'The Facebook'. To be fair they actually seem like they'd be a great couple. But still - ask a Mum to use a computer and they say they can't do it...but if Jacob Goldsmith is a single investment banker then bitch is on Facebook faster than you can say 'Shidduch'!
I was in Tel Aviv last week. Yes I had an amazing time. Yes I want to hide under a duvet until it stops raining.
We arrived last Saturday at around 11pm and naturally dumped our stuff in our 'luxury' hotel in which the staff get offended if you ask for their help with anything. Seriously though, our bedroom door was broken for 4 days and the only response we got from Reception was 'your door, your problem.' They could have at least offered us some houmous to lubricate it, but I guess that's what you get if you pay a little more for the Hilton so in fairness we had it coming.
As I was saying, once we arrived to our hotel, unpacked and realized there was little to no partition between our room and the room of French boys in towels next door, we headed out clubbing.
In my true Grandmother-antagonizing style I managed to do the impossible in Clara, Tel Aviv. I managed to hook up with a 7ft tall, blonde haired, blue eyed boy. He insisted he was Jewish on his mother's side so I figured I'd believe him in spite of his Hulk-like stature and also, you know, common sense.
His friends eventually told me that he had lied about being Jewish and I felt somewhat betrayed. I say somewhat because my main emotion was somewhere between White Girl Wasted and Paralytic. But still betrayal affects even those throwing up down the side of taxis.
He told me just now on Facebook chat (and also is going to read this and think I'm a psycho - hi babe xxx) that he lied because he thought 'that was all I was after'.
It made me laugh but also feel bad for him and then laugh more. Is it true when non-Jewish boys meet us they are worried we 'only want one thing'?
Like when a guy only wants one thing and will only speak to a girl that's DTF (Down To Fuck), maybe they think we only want a boy who's DTC (Down To Convert).
So maybe the pressure isn't just coming from our Grandparents, maybe it's us putting pressure on ourselves and those around us? After all the oppresion that the Jewish people have been through, do we want to run the risk of making anyone feel exluded or not worthy? I know its a tricky comparison but you see my point.
I'm not saying don't marry a Jewish boy, I personally would love to share the culture I have grown up with alongside someone who understands, it would be the absolute ideal, but love is love and you should judge people by the strength of their character rather than the turtleneck on their penis.
On that note, I'd love to know your thoughts as always...
Seeya I'm going to Nandos
xx
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