Yesterday afternoon I was sitting at work achieving little other than thinking about chocolate while eating a Waitrose 'Love Life Vitality Mix'.
Incase any of you are wondering what one of these is, it's pretty much bird feed that makes you feel good about yourself. E.g.:
"Hey Liv, we're all going to McDonalds to get some nuggets after the meeting, do you want in?"
"No thank you, I'M actually eating VITALITY for lunch".
For the record, and no offence to Waitrose, I don't believe that a mixed bag of goji berries (not a real food btw) and nuts counts as 'love life' inducing food. If they were to put that 'Love Life' label on their tequila then maybe I'd be able to come around to their thinking.
Now where was I....
Not achieving anything at work I decided to have a little Facebook stalk of people I hardly know and came across a girl I knew when she was about 8 years old. There was a sweet little collage of two 17 year olds with the caption '5 year anniversary' and a bunch of vomit inducing emojis.
FIVE. YEARS.
Five years ago I was high in a field with bright red hair eating pizza, so I dread to think what kind of difference in time that makes for kids who were 12 at the time.
Clearly they have their futures a little more sorted than mine.
However sweet it was, it just got me thinking about first loves and the damage they can do. I know I'm an optimistic fuck.
Take a trip with me in my smashed up car down memory lane for a second. You're 15 years old and other than thinking GCSEs are the biggest thing to have happened to anyone in the world, life is pretty peachy. You meet a guy or girl who you spark with and have all this free 15 year old time to talk on the phone about your hopes and dreams, plan your imaginary future together and hope to see them at the next house party so maybe they can feel up your whorey La Senza bra that your mum pretends not to know you own.
Everything is perfect because you don't worry about things like what you both want in life or your work schedules. Not only that but there's absolutely no thought in your mind of 'how quickly should I sleep with him?' 'Is he dating anyone else/tindering anyone else/Jswiping anyone else?' As long as your initials are in his BBM screen name you're pretty much sorted.
Not only that but more often than not with a first love comes a lot of other firsts. First real date, first time having sex, first relationship makeups and breakups. You actually get to grow together which is a bond pretty hard to break - so no wonder some of these couples stay together for so long.
But here's the question - what about the huge percentage that dont?
Are our first loves ruining us for life?
I hear so many horror stories of couples who are together for 7 years, happily in love and transitioning from their teenage years, to Uni, to the real world. Then all of a sudden one of them pulls the plug.
I can't imagine how it must feel suddenly being single for the first time since before you were in your teens. Especially for the people who let their boyfriend be their number one priority letting their social life fall at the wayside.
In all relationships I've been in I've ensured that my Saturday nights are for my girls. End of. That doesn't make me stronger or better than anyone else but it was simply a survival tactic, not to mention I couldn't live without spending the best night of the week with the people who mean that much to me. But it can happen that you are left at 22 years old, suddenly single with no idea how to start functioning as one half of a couple...or even a single.
I'm sure for everyone there is a way to pick yourself up and take all the new opportunities that are there for you, but it's definitely a struggle!
I've also found that your first love can ruin you for life even if you're not with them for that long. My first love was...well lovely. He was a very sweet boy who seemed to be in the exact same stage of life as me at the time. It was only when we grew up a little that I started to see our differences, but I don't regret any of it. I always say how lucky I am to have had what I did at that age and I've never looked back.
I have some friends who still hold a candle for guys they were with as teens. And I'm not talking one of those little tea lights you put round the bath, in some cases it's a full on massive Yankee candle. Like enough candles to light the Menorah that goes up at Chanukah in Hampstead by the pond. I digress.
I believe that sometimes it's the unfinished relationships that hurt the most. With my last relationship I knew deep down that we'd tried as many times as we could and I'd gotten all out of him that I could had. Sometimes you fall in love and one month later they cross the globe.
I have a friend who this happened to. She fell in love with a guy named James. He was one of the older school boys and used to pick her up in his car and take her on adventures. She dates other guys and is entirely open to the idea of a boyfriend, but even still his name gets brought up every so often and I feel like deep down she's never felt that way about anyone else and doesn't think she will. I wonder if she met him for the first time now, without the excitement of teenage infatuation, if she would even look twice at him.
Another friend had a similar story. Except she let go by getting close. It was only when she kissed her long lost school boyfriend last summer that she laughed her head off and said a big fat GOODBYE. Turns out memories and emotions aren't always the same thing.
Anyway I've rambled for quite long enough now, I'd love to know your opinions.
Do we ever get over our first loves? And if so, what does it take?
The Geisler
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