I drive into work where I have a job in which (at least most of the time) I am made to feel like an equal.
It was about five minutes ago that this illusion was somewhat crumpled for me.
I was driving back from a viewing on an absolute high, I had that satisfied feeling you get when you know you've pulled something and can just walk away feeling fantastic.
I'd say it's a pretty similar sensation to walking out of Yo! Sushi on Blue Mondays. Sans the inevitable stomach cramps.
None the less, there I was in my company car feeling on top of the world when some massive van was blocking my way. Like the pro driver I am I decided to get to my parking space via the pavement (don't try this at home kids) and watched him roll down the window about to yell at me for driving like I'm a five year old playing Mario Cart.
Almost entirely to my dismay he came out with something else.
"You're pretty ain't ya darlin' "
Honestly, I would've rather he'd yelled at me for my driving. I decided to take the classy route and shout out the window "fuck off, van wanker". Truth be told I'm not the best at quick comebacks. Van wanker works okay. Vanker? I digress...
A lot of people back in the office didn't understand why I was so offended.
"It's a compliment!"
"He was just trying to be nice"
"Why are you so hostile?"
So the conclusion of this, a man verbally harasses me from his car and I am hostile. And often, that is the way it is percieved.
I don't think it's my co-workers fault for not understanding why this upset me, they've just never thought about the implications. They didn't understand that in that one fleeting moment I felt like all my feelings of equality, professionalism and even being taken seriously had been taken away from me. What I actually felt like was a sub-human, put on Earth for men to look at and sexualise. Like a walking (or in this case driving) blow-up doll. It doesn't matter if I just had a great viewing and I feel good about my career, it wouldn't even matter if I was just on my way back from Waitrose, all that matters is that I'm, pretty - ain't I?
I fail to believe that every time a guy shouts out 'hey sexy', 'nice bum' or anything of that nature to a girl that they are trying to give her a compliment. It's not like I walk down the street and think, "I'd really like to brighten up that strangers day, maybe I'll tell him I like the way his bulge looks in his jeans."
The trouble is, I don't even think guys would necessarily be offended by this. There's a couple of reasons:
1) It doesn't happen to them all the time
2) No element of it makes them feel in danger
You might think it's ridiculous for a girl to be scared of a compliment. But a compliment is seldom just a compliment when it is about your body and from a stranger.
Every guy that thinks they're being friendly doesn't consider the moments every girl goes through when a stranger starts telling them they like the way they look. If you don't give that person, that stranger, the response that they want, who knows what could happen to you. What reason do we have to believe that a person we've never met is having sexual leanings toward us isn't capable of acting on them.
The sad thing about the ever prevalent rape culture in our society is that it makes women feel restricted in what they can wear and men with good intentions restricted on what they can say.
It's not just a rape culture, it's a fear culture. A culture that makes both sexes look and feel bad. Women are made to feel like 'sluts' and victims, men to feel like aggressors.
Until there's a resolution to this problem, I'd just like men to think before they start shouting these 'compliments' at women. Ask yourself why you are doing it, and more importantly how it is making that person feel.
The Geisler
Comments
Post a Comment