This is not to be taken in the colloquial way that teenagers who make me feel old use it, although she is also in that sense pretty cool.
She double and triple checks that she's turned her straighteners off before leaving the house, always moans at me when the various 'fuck up' lights come on in my car; and when she walks the dogs it's like watching a small, Jewish Santa Claus herding reindeer.
To this effect when I first discussed blowjobs with her, she immediately asked me if I always use a condom. At first I tried to explain to her that I'm 99% sure my mouth can't get pregnant...she proceeded to tell me that I'm a fucking idiot.
Honestly though, blowjobs with condoms on?
Apparently it's a thing. Like a posh wank - only with two people? I don't even. Whatever.
Now it's not exactly something I do particularly often, no judgement to those who do, however it is a worrying thought.
Should I bump into Ryan Gosling and decide it is only logical to blow him, as I'm sure my male and female readers alike would agree - how am I to know what he is carrying? Maybe Eva Mendez gave him something. Or that bird in the Notebook he was screwing before Allie came back. (Don't act like it's not real for you, too).
My point stands however.
When you meet someone there are so many things you consider. Their looks, their personality, smile, job, sense of humour. Some people even base their decisions on a sexual encounter based on the amount of armpit hair a guy has. Shut up, it's not weird.
Amongst all these things, when you like someone or even if you don't, it's so rare you actually consider what someone could potentially be carrying.
It's one of those taboo things, where we know it's real but assume it can't be real for us.
"I won't get lung cancer from smoking, I know it causes it but probably not for me."
"I won't get mugged walking down an alleyway alone, that sort of thing wouldn't happen to me."
I think someone we believe that something surreal and scary couldn't happen to us, purely because it is so seldom spoken about. No one is truly going to own up about STDs publically.
I can't imagine Josh Goldman from Hendon tweeting 'Got that Friday feeling! And also #chlamidiya'.
Let's just say you sleep with a nice girl named Natasha.
Natasha has had 2 serious boyfriends and one random hookup.
That random hookup's name is Sam.
He slept with a girl called Charlotte once, who got herpes off Daniel.
Guys, when you're looking at Natasha do you really consider her ex lovers, ex girlfriends ex?!
Probably not.
All I'm saying is, be careful.
Aside from the, admittedly disgusting, factors is sex ever safe emotionally?
I believe every person has sex for different reasons and each experience is somewhat impacted by their previous experiences.
I decided at seventeen that losing my virginity to a nice boy with whom I shared a loving relationship would mean that I would only ever regard sex as an act of love. That way it would never be tarnished for me.
It's like your first experience at Nandos.
If you go the first time for all the wrong reasons, and eat all the wrong things *I can see you mushroom burger with a side of halloumi people* then you will forever associate Nandos with something much less special than it can be.
I'm honestly not even joking, yes I take chicken seriously.
Now this was in one sense a very good idea. I learnt a lot about growing with another person and yes - doing it for the right reason. But as I've grown up I've realized there are lots of right and wrong reasons to have sex. As there are with anything.
I've heard some pretty bad reasons for having sex. Revenge being quite possibly the worst. Alcohol being a close second. One other I've heard a lot of is 'to avoid increasing numbers.'
This I hear from girls a LOT more than from men. Just another gender norm that's been inexplicably imposed on us.
See there's this notion that it's better to sleep with someone that you've already slept with before, because that way you're the girl who's slept with 5 guys and not 6. If you're the guy however, expect high fives all round regardless. Naturally.
How about being the girl that doesn't give a fuck what anyone else thinks? That would be a fun idea.
In my mind, it doesn't matter if you're a virgin or if you've slept with 100 people. As long as you're not hurting anyone, or keeping up a reputation (which in turn is hurting yourself) then there's nothing to be ashamed of.
I've slept with FAR less people than everyone thinks.
You see, I'm the girl with the sex blog. Therefore I am Samantha Jones, Jessica Rabbit and *insert pornstars name*. Tori Black? I hear that one thrown around the office a lot.
To me, it's honestly just funny. If someone who doesn't know me thinks I'm a hurtful, deceptive person then I would be upset. But if someone thinks I have more fun than I actually do, well that's just plain entertaining.
I worry though.
Not for myself but for those who worry themselves.
Young people who are looking for answers about what is safe, what will give them a bad reputation and if they are doing things for the wrong reasons. My only advice is, listen to yourself. Don't go at a pace that your friends or family tell you to. Reputation is a growing pain that needs outgrowing. After all, you cannot truly regret decisions that you believed in wholeheartedly at the time.
So is sex ever really 'safe'?
I think like most everything in life, it's up to you.
The Geisler
Comments
Post a Comment