I mean seriously chatting shit, nothing of value. That one gorgeous part of the week that's a break between landlords, paperwork and arguing with other drivers on the road when I'm in the wrong.
It's important at these times that we discuss our dogs, for example my Meeko is having rather an anti-social week since he was banned from eating knickers and is now depressed with the lack of lace in his diet. Meanwhile Alice's dog Daisy has discovered she might actually be Spanish and so is now responding to 'Pablo'. Just normal girl stuff.
We also obviously make sure to partake in the most pleasurable activity in the world, which is of course talking about food while eating food. You'd be surprised how great it is to reflect on past meals while eating, it's like screaming out someone else's name in bed without having to feel bad. Oh, and speaking of we talk about sex too.
Now the reason I mention this (other than the fact it's literally what this blog is about) is because of the difference in conversation between my single friends and committed friends. My friends in relationships always assume our sex lives are so exciting and risque as though I walk into the club on Saturday night with a utility belt full of condoms and a water gun full of lube.
*Spoiler for my Halloween costume this year*
So my friends in relationships always open with the "so what have you been up to this weekend?" and lean in wide eyed expecting me to tell them I did a sponsored blow-a-thon from London to Manchester and then had a nice cup of tea.
I tend to respond with a "Probably kissed someone. Tumbled off a table. Fell asleep on the stairs with my cat in one hand and a McFlurry in the other."
"No but what did you really get up to?"
"I saw my Grandma a bit and she told me I've gained weight..?"
Funny thing is, when you ask these relationshippy people about their sex lives it tends to go all hush-hush.
"Hows your boyfriend?"
"Fine."
"Hows your sex life?"
"Fine."
"What's his dick like?"
"Why are you asking me about my boyfriends penis.." etc
I have a theory that people in couples are a LOT kinkier than the rest of us.
Now hear me out. Say you meet a guy or a girl on a night out, and you get up to some things. What is the likelihood you're going to get all Kill-Bill/let's eat peanut butter off eachothers bodies when you hardly know that person. Slim to bloody none.
Realistically it'll go like this:
The girl will probably stay half dressed, the guy will go fail-safe missionary, you'll maybe make awkward eye contact and then everyone will go home both a winner and a loser.
However when you consider couples who see eachother numerous times a week, the likelihood is all the weird is going to come out eventually.
I could put good money on the fact that behind every refined 'let's smile on the beach while the sun sets like a stock photo for white people' Facebook photo there is a kinky as shit back story.
The single lot who are most often photographed falling out of their clothes in stripper heels - surprisingly more often than not as frigid as.
I suppose the point of this post (to be taken light-heartedly I hope) is that not all is what it seems on the surface. People make a great deal of assumptions on people's lifestyles based on what they wear, who they socialise with and what they are and are not comfortable talking about.
I think if we were all made to feel able to express or withhold whatever information we wish without the concerns of being labeled 'slutty' or 'frigid' everyone would be able to take a breath of fresh air that whatever the situation, it is all NORMAL. Shocking to hear really.
People in relationships don't have to be boxed in to appearing like they're playing house, much like those who are single shouldn't be expected to be cock-guzzling "woo girls". Sorry for the language, Mum.
Whether you're single, coupled, in a serious relationship with complex carbohydrates or what have you - enjoy yourself. Let's try not to judge eachother and more importantly not judge ourselves.
Except for those kids in Colombia who apparently have sexual relations with donkeys I'm not sure how I feel about that...
Until next time,
The Geisler xx
Love it :)!
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