Thankfully for me, my first love was Brendan Fraser in 'George of the Jungle' so I am safe from this ailment, but for others it seems to follow them around indefinitely.
According to the Ancient Greeks there are three types of love:
Philos - friendship and family love
Amores - true love
Eros - erotic love
What they don't seem to account for however is that feeling of first love that gets so many of us down.
Perhaps this is because it isn't actually love but just a natural part of growing up. We all go through it from the ages of 13 onwards where we try a grown up relationship for the first time (whether the other person knows it or not) and feel as though we are in love when it is really just a combination of giddiness and infatuation.
The other problem is that at such a young age, often girls are in awe of their first loves. Often these boys are older, and when you're still at school just dating someone a yeargroup older makes you feel special. They always seem cooler than you, more mature and as if they are able to show you everything. Unfortunately it takes a while to learn that they are no more special or mature than any other of the imbeciles out there.
I see these girls going from relationship to relationship, and after every break up and break down they run hopelessly into the arms of their first love. They start to question whether or not this person might just be 'the one' seeing as they can't seem to get over them. More often than not though, just because they are the first doesn't mean they are the one. It's just a matter of safety.
The worst part of it all though, is that these boys tend to know that they have this hold over girls. I know of guys that keep their first girlfriends strung along by making them feel insecure and as if they are the only boys that could love them. They never let them get over it because whenever they are the ones to feel lonely, bored or even just sexually frustrated they pick up the phone and make sure their girl is firmly still being strung along.
The Great Gatsby is a perfect example of first love syndrome. For anyone that has read the book or seen the movies as many times as me they will understand what I mean. Jay Gatsby is entirely besotted with his first love to the point where he dedicates his life to winning her back. When he finally gets her attention however, it isn't perfect because she is precariously balanced on a pedestal. This is the problem with first loves, they are on such a pedestal that we cannot accept them to be human and flawed. When F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote "No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart" he was referring to the unrealistic pursuit of first loves and how it can make a person lose touch with any other influences. Just as Gatsby was consumed with love for someone he hardly knew anymore, people of our generation hold a candle to the person who was their first kiss, first date and of course first sexual experience. It's only natural after all.
The real challenge is to decide whether these 'first loves' were even loves at all or whether we should just get on with our lives and cut all ties. After all, you cannot possibly give any part of yourself to someone when such a huge part of it belongs to someone else.
Just something to think about,
Olivia Jane
xx
Comments
Post a Comment